Motoring Moments of 2013: The Imthishan Awards
Captain Grumpy looks back at an unexpectedly great year in motoring
By Imthishan Giado
[Read Shahzad Sheikh’s ‘best of 2013’ recap!]
[And Fraser Martin’s best bits of 2013]
[Also click here to find out which were the Top 21 biggest stories of 2013 on MME!]
Not going to mess about – I had a great 2013. So great in fact, that I’ve decided to host my very own Virtual Awards Ceremony for all the amazing (and not-so-amazing) cars that I’ve had the honor and privilege of driving this year. Prizes are entirely metaphorical, and cannot be exchanged for anything of equal worthless value, though I would be open to offers of an evening of polite conversation with Amber Heard.
Let’s begin! Please note that these highly coveted, prestigious and exclusive awards are in no particular order of acceptance.
The Jodie Foster Award For Most Butch SUV On the Planet Which I Can’t Believe I Hadn’t Driven Yet
Many, many thanks to Salman at Jaguar Land Rover for sorting this one out and finally allowing me to cross the mighty Defender off my list. An amazing machine – amazingly crap at just about everything but you will be powerless to resist its effusive charm once you get behind the wheel. The only car I’ve driven all year which actually got kids pointing and smiling – and at the end of the day, isn’t that what cars are all about? Sad that it’s going away soon, but really, the Defender has had a fantastic run and will live forever in the hearts of 4×4 enthusiasts.
Hopefully Land Rover will make something better…
The Evangeline Lilly Award For The Backwoods Beauty SUV
…or, they could just copy this. I had the immense good fortune this year of being able to travel to the States and actually drive a Wrangler on the incomparable – and incomparably challenging – Rubicon Trail in the stunning Sierra Nevada mountains. Over the course of two long sunsoaked days, I put this rustic SUV to the test through narrow gullies, muddy rivers and treacherous ravines in its least suitable version – a four door manual. Guess what? This little truck took it all and was game for more. But more than the trail – which is something every petrol head needs to do at least once – the sensation of driving back on the azure, glistening shores of Lake Tahoe was one of those feelings that money simply cannot buy.
The Peter Jackson Award For Really? How Could You Possibly Not Like The Ferrari F12?
Easy there. Before you start dashing off your angry Rosso Red hate mail, know that this, the current flagship V12 of Maranello’s range is a very good supercar indeed, able to switch seamlessly between cruiser, bruiser and backroad blaster. For all the flash and Italian style however, the necessity of having to safely govern such a ridiculous amount of horsepower means you feel unexpectedly isolated behind the wheel. The F12 simply doesn’t have the delicate precision of the Ferraris of old, content to bludgeon you instead with AMG-style power. I would traded 200bhp for a better (slower) steering rack, less aggressive dampers and a C-pillar I can see past.
The Tom Selleck Award For Car I Really Should Bought Instead Of My 86
Wasn’t expecting much from the Astra OPC after having driven its pleasant-but-unremarkable lesser cousin. Lo and behold, the OPC proceeded to rock my world with a combination of fantastic turbo thrust, a supremely-livable ride, wonderfully predictable handling and a good-enough manual gearbox. And an affordable price! Oh wait, about that last part…yeah, thanks for nothing Opel for putting this great little car in the AED140,000 mark, out of reach of the people who’d have the most fun with it.
The Gene Kelly Award For Wettest Test Drive Of The Year
I’d love to tell you how the magnificent Rolls Royce Wraith handled on the winding Alpine roads, but the Heavens opened up and swallowed up every ounce of hope I had of driving this wonderful anywhere near its limits. All I can tell you from that day behind the wheel is the Wraith is as utterly, pants-meltingly desirable as any car to come out of Crewe and that if you had any sense, you’d buy this instead of a Bentley. Or a Ferrari, for that matter.
Read my rain-soaked review here
The Alex P Keaton Award For I Can’t Really Decide If I Should Like This One Or Not
It’s too expensive! But it’s a Corolla so the resale should be good. Only four speeds in 2014? But would you rather have had a CVT instead? Why didn’t we get the American car? Have to admit, the European styling has grown on me since.. Where are the toys? OK, I got nothing on this one.
Yeah, the Corolla was that kind of car. Good enough to stay in the hunt, but a manufacturer like Toyota with its deep pockets should really have done more to make this car leap out of the pack.
The Vin Diesel Award For Best Pretend Mechanic
When Aston Martin Racing calls you up and says, come on down to Bahrain and we’ll teach you to look after one of our Vantage race cars, you just don’t say no. One flight to Bahrain later and I was happily turning wrenches, scrubbing down tyres and cleaning carbonfibre. A superb day out and a tense nail biting finish for the team with the most heart on the grid.
The Paul Walker Award For The Feature I Wish I Hadn’t Written
A sad end to the year for petrolheads. We’re still trying to come to terms with what we’ve lost.
The Lindsay Lohan Award For You Spent HOW MUCH On Those Wheels?! Wouldn’t 30,000 Dirhams in Vegas Have Been Easier (And More Fun)?
This was the year I spent a simply incredible amount of money modifying my 86 and I’m sure quite a few of you out there have very strong ideas about how wise that wise. Nevertheless, I’d had a huge amount of fun doing it and getting to grips with this strange tuning culture. Where else in the world can you find so many passionate about their cars and improving them non-stop? And it would be remiss of me to not note that the 30k did actually make the car faster and better handling, if not necessarily more livable.
I had a great year and half with my pocket boy racer, but it’s time to move on to something more up my street. What’s that, you say? Stay tuned for more!
The Michael Bay Award For Most Pointless Test Drive Ever
I drove a van this year, for about ten minutes on a slalom. It was good. Nobody cared.
The Francis Ford Coppola Heart Of Darkness Award For Most Risky Launch Event
I braved potential lung cancer amidst the choking burning-tree induced fumes of Malaysia’s Sepang F1 circuit to drive every single BMW M car on track. A richly detailed experience and one that left me with a profound appreciate of just how capable these new M cars are. Still preferred driving the old E90 M3 by a country mile though.
The Billy Bob Thornton Award For The One That I Seriously Can’t Remember Driving
Seriously, did I drive an Escape this year? How can I not remember driving it at all? A good car, but one that that washed out of my brain as quickly as a colonic.
The Sally Field Award For The Car That I Most Hated Driving
A horrible, horrible automobile. Gutless, forgettable to look at and with a gearbox that the Devil himself would banish from the depths of Hell, this is the car I most regret picking up the keys to drive this year. Also recipient of the Renault Duster Award For Car That I Didn’t Like but Fraser Inexplicably Loved Just To Be Contrary.
Read my review – if you must – here
The Jaye Davidson Award For Biggest Surprise Of The Year For Favourite Long Termer
The Passat. Not a byword for lust, but over the course of three very busy weeks it absolutely wormed its way into my consciousness. A dependable tool with more character than the Toyota I usually use for these purposes..and astonishingly, I have more fond thoughts of this American-built German saloon than the rather poorly-equipped FJ that I was also running at the time.
The Jennifer Connelly Award For Absolute, Pure, Unrestrained Perfection
You can keep your 911s. Forget about your GT-Rs. Don’t even mention Ferraris. This here piece of choice American Rib Eye steak with its brutish looks, knife-edge handling, top-notch tech toys and to-die-for engine note is the single best car I’ve driven all year, an ode to the automobile and why we love these hunks of metal so much. I knew the moment I turned that first corner in Virginia that this was something special and by the end…well, you’ll have to see. I envy every single person who’s bought one and if I didn’t have something else in mind, I might just have been one of them myself.
Read my review – oops, you’ll be able to read it shortly!
Thanks for watching folks, and be sure to tune in next year when we bring you a whole batch of amazing new cars!
Followed u guys through 2013
Keep up the good work, lads!!
HNY2014 everyone
Cheers,
Marc
[Imthishan] Thanks Mark!